::the first time.

The first blog post is always the most difficult to write - or at least, the most tedious.

I like to compare it to building a house from nothing, from the ground up.

When you're building a house, you can't wait to paint walls, choose details - doors, fixtures, flooring, appliances - but first, you need to survey, to lay a foundation, to frame the house, the walls. There is a whole lot of work to be done before the "fun" stuff can begin. 

So here I am, laying the foundation. :) This is me. 

I'm Erica. I'm turning 25 in a week, and I'm a work in progress. I'll make this short and sweet by describing myself in 10 words:

1. Jesus (I need more of Him, and He deserves so much more of me. I want Him to be my priority #1.)
2. Family (my everything.)
3. Life (is made for living.) 
4. Lover (not a fighter unless provoked, then look out.)
5. Babies (big, small, squishy, scrawny...hand 'em over.)
6. Childbirth (the whole messy, beautiful event...fascinates me, every tiny part.)
7. Cooking (wait until you taste my food.)
8. Nurturing (I will love the HECK out of you...)
9. Sassy (forever...it serves me well.)
10. Strong (born and bred)

I try things, I fail at them, and sometimes I get up and try again. Sometimes I feel defeated and don't try again. But I want to be a trier, a doer. Because the triers and doers make the difference in the world. 

People give up too easily, and I don't want to be one of those people. 

I have many passions. I have switched majors in college more times than I can remember. 

• I started in Education - I thought I wanted to be a teacher. 
• Then I switched to Early Childhood Education, because I thought wanted to open my own preschool/childcare. 
• I decided that the politics and general angst of the childcare realm wasn't for me; so culinary was next. I have always loved good food and experimenting with flavors, so I jumped in. Annnnnnnnd when it was clear that the cutthroat culinary world would eat me alive (no pun intended) I jumped ship. I was too gentle, too tender of a personality - I would have probably been ruined in that field. 
• So I switched to Associate in Liberal Arts, where my ship is anchored right now, and where it will stay. I am two classes away from that degree. Whew. 

I am not a quitter. I don't say that, because I don't believe it. I am an explorer - it's my life, what do I have to lose by a little bit of experimenting? :)

The thing is - the reason I jumped around so much - was because I didn't want any of those things. Not really. I wanted one thing. And nothing else seemed to matter enough to me.

I wanted to be a mother. 

I want to be a mother - so badly. 

Many of you know - you can't just turn that off. 

So I searched for something to fulfill me until that time of my life came. Nothing seemed to satisfy me, not in that deep place of longing. That deep place few people saw.

Until one day I landed on something that touched my heart, touched me in a place none of those areas ever did.

Doula...a woman who serves.

 dou·la

ˈdo͞olə/

noun

1. 1.

   a woman who is trained to assist another woman during childbirth and who may provide support to the family after the baby is born.

The fascination I had always had with childbirth, with babies, my nurturing spirit - suddenly it all clicked.

I could do this. 

I'm sure some people would say that it's not the best fit, because I would be living vicariously through other people's experiences. 

Some might even say it's selfish, choosing this route. 

I don't see it that way.
I have passion for life, for how God created women. A passion for slippery, vernix-y newborn babies. A passion for dilation, for effacement, for every stage of labor. I have love, I have a nurturing spirit that comforts.
I choose to use these passions to support women in one of the most beautiful, frightening and most sacred moment of their lives.
I choose to use it rather than save all of my nurturing up for my own babies. I have plenty of love to go around. It's not going anywhere.

And yes, the love will fill me up, too. Watching families increase will make me happier, make me more complete. It will bring me joy.

I don't think that's selfish, or vicariously living through another.

I think that is human experience at it's finest.

You're welcome to walk with me on my journey. <3

xx E