::thoughts from a doula (in training!)

I've discovered something interesting - and disturbing - as I've been training to be a birth/postpartum doula. 

The most challenging thing for me about this work will not be the long hours, the long nights. Not the labors that may stretch out for days waiting on a stubborn babe. Not the blood, or the (sometimes very) intense sounds, smells, and sights of birth. Not the nerves.

The most challenging thing for me - even now, as I work and study towards this - is the sheer amount of judgment found in the pregnancy and birth "realm". 

When did this happen, when did it begin? 

When did women stop supporting each other in this incredible experience? In this experience that is specific to women, one would think women would WANT to share, to support. Instead, we compare, and we play the "shame game". 

Instead of being a safe place, women shame each other for a laundry list of "wrongs": 

• for co-sleeping.
• for NOT co-sleeping.
• for using a stroller instead of a baby carrier.
• for circumcising their son. 
• for NOT circumcising their son.
• for not sticking with breastfeeding because of intense pain.
• for getting an epidural during labor.
• for using pitocin.
• for getting an elective c-section.
• for using a doula.
• for NOT using a doula. 

And my personal favorite: women bragging openly because they did birth "drug free", belittling those who received pain relief.

Hey! 

Guess what? 

Sorry to "pop" your bubble; but if you gave birth drug-free, you are no more powerful or strong than the women next door who had a visit from the anesthesiologist.

I know. I'm getting alllllll controversial up in here.

I have three words for these people; these people who judge harshly, who hurt others with their words and Facebook comments (whether they realize it or not):

LET IT BE.

That's it. Let it be. Make the decision YOU can be happy with and proud of for your babies, your family, live your life, and...that's it. 

Let it be. 

Don't judge someone else's decisions...they are not yours, so they are not your problem. 

Isn't that a relief? :)

When I finally get my doula certification (oh, that joyous day), I know that I will proudly stand beside women who give birth drug-free. But I will stand beside the epidural'd, demerol'd women just as proudly. 

There shouldn't even be a differentiation.

Because they are BOTH worth celebrating, BOTH worth supporting. They BOTH brought life into the world - and that is the point. 

That is to be celebrated. 

Not the WAY in which it was done.

Let's get back to supporting, sharing, and celebrating life. Because life is a beautiful, miraculous thing. 

xx

E